Confusingous

OK. Let’s lay it out there. Transporter III is a movie. It is not a documentary. Cars cannot drive atop trains with the ease that Frank Martin displays. Likewise, the air from a tire transported to a duffle back and tied to a car will not provide enough upward force to lift an Audi from the deep depths of a cold lake. We are discussing fiction. This is a film. And Confusingous enjoyed it.

Another thing Confusingous must get clear. He wants to be Jason Statham. So his film review must be taken with a grain of salt. For the love of all that is holy, he saw ‘Crank’ and gave it a good review. So, to level set expectations, if you have seen the previous films in the Transporter Trilogy, you know what you are in for. If not, follow along.

The story line is bland and predictable. The plot, weak. The love interest between Frank Martin, played by Statham, and Valentina makes little sense. But, oh my, the action sequences were fantastic. Fight scenes, chase scenes, escape scenes. This film has it all. And it is all done very well. Well enough that it helps you forget all the negatives detailed in the first few sentences of this paragraph. And none of it is action for the sake of action. It all merges well into the horrendous story. Sometimes you are not sure if the action scene was born from the story line or the story line was born from the action scene. But, either way, it worked.

So, based on a scale of five SIG Sauer’s with five being the best, The Transporter III gets three SIG Sauer’s based on Confusingous’ criteria. However, if you do not have the same Jason Statham fantasy’s as Confusingous, you may want to bump that down to two SIG Sauer’s just to be safe.