A song for your heart brought to you by Boxcar Hex.
The Ballad of Little Bastard
Words by Boxcar Hex Lubinger
(Based on an essay by Dana Cormaney)
© 2009, Zen Fuego Songs
It was September of Nineteen Fifty Five
And Mr. James Dean was still alive
And looking for a killer ride
There was the Salinas Races
Where he wanted to set the pace
And he needed a demon on his side
So he found himself a ’55 Spider
With an able mechanic beside her
That he thought might do the trick
Well he kicked all the tires
Upped the hood, looked inside her
And he knew she’d run might quick
So he put his money down
And right then, without a sound
The young mans fate was sealed
For down that Lonesome Highway
Little Bastard would fly away
Like a devil on racing wheels
Now all his friends said no
But you know he wanted it to go
So the engine he started to tweak
So said Obi Wan Guiness
That is according to a witness
‘That particular automobile will kill you in a week’
And so it was seven days later
Little Bastards engine was like a ripe po-tater
And they rode down the road for the race
But a truck turned onto the street
And a load of fast metal did meet
And The Angel of Death kissed that very place
Little Bastard was badly mangled
But shrewd George Barris did wrangle
A deal to own all the Spyder’s parts
So it was put on a trailer
And the trucks bindings sure did fail her
And a mechanics leg sure did smart
Two doctors wanted to make their cars dance
And they knew Barris would give them a chance
So they bought some pieces of the Porsche
One of the docs car hit a tree
Where he did then die instantly
And the others car ended up looking like borscht
Someone else tried to use its tires
And he wasn’t too surprised
When they blew his car onto the gravel
Someone else tried to steal
Little Bastards haunted steering wheel
And cut his arm on some twisted metal
Now some people had an idea in mind
To take the carcass down the line
And teach kids not to drink and drive
So they put it in a police garage
Which burned into a flaming mirage
That only Little Bastard made it out of alive
While on display it busted a kids hip
And crushed a driver when it did slip
Off the bed of the mans truck
Did it cause a truck to lose its breaks?
Some bad mojo is all it takes
And Little Bastard was filled with that kinda luck
While being shown in New Orleans
It did something new and obscene
And busted up into eleven pieces
No one there could explain why
But luckily no one had to die
Not men, cats, dogs, horses, or mee-ses
On a truck bound for Californ-I-A
Starting in Miami, F-L-A
Little Bastard was ready for yet another trick
‘Cause that there truck never arrived
And no one neither dead nor alive
Knows the end of Little Bastards epic
So if you see Little Bastard running active
The best advice that I can give
Is to high tail it out and start to pray
‘Cause seeing a ghost might be quite a sight
But it ain’t either good nor is it as right
As living to see yet another day
