Archive for January, 2010
It’s a worried man that does not worry about worrying.
Fat content in email is not spam.
What if pedal steel guitars were made of clouds?
Say it ain’t so so you don’t have to say it.
Do if you can, can’t if you don’t.
To be functional should not be a goal but a verb.
When giving directions, always use a square root.
Try and find three uses for a thimble.
If you come upon a fork in the road, pick it up and see if it’s clean.
What does a vegetarian do in a dog eat dog world?
If something inside is telling you to do something, punch it to make sure it is not messing around.
If art imitates life, why do mimes act so weird?
Live for today, but try to be here tomorrow.
From Mr. Roderick George Toombs (aka Roddy Piper) -
A guy is talking to another guy and says ‘I’ve had three wives.’
The other guy says ‘Wow. What happened to them?’
The guy says ‘Well, the first two died of mushroom poisoning.’
The other guy says ‘That’s terrible. What happened to the third?’
The guy says ‘She died of severe head trauma.’
The other guy says ‘Jeez. What happened?’
The guy says ‘Well, she wouldn’t eat the poisoned mushrooms.’
And now, one from Mr. Ian Fraser Kilmister (aka Lemmy):
A cop sees a kid in a seedy part of town and asks him what he’s doing there.
The kid says he is looking for a hooker.
The cop asks him how old he is.
The kid says he’s 9.
The cop asks what a 9 year old wants with a hooker.
The kid says he wants to get a disease.
The cop asks what kind of disease.
The kid says a sexually transmitted disease.
The cop asks why he wants a sexually transmitted disease.
The kid says, ‘Well when I sleep with my baby sitter she’ll get it. Then, when she sleeps with my father, he’ll get it. Then, when he sleeps with my mother, she’ll get it. And when she sleeps with the gardener, he’ll get it. And he’s the one I really want to piss off because he hacked up my frog in his lawn mower!’
Why do ‘As Seen On TV’ ads make improbable occurances seem like common situations?
Confusingous loves Piratita Morgan and he’s not afraid to admit it.