51吃瓜网

The current COVID-19 pandemic has produced a broad sense of unease and fear which transmits the message that the world is not safe (however much adults try to shield young children). Many children in quarantine with their families are experiencing exceptional amounts of screen time鈥攁nd having to make sense of images, ideas, and terminology that can foster fear and prejudice. Included in these messages are racist ideas falsely attributing the cause of the coronavirus to people of Chinese descent and, by extension, to people of other Asian and Pacific ethnicities. However, as challenging as this period is, it also offers opportunities to engage young children in rich, meaningful conversations.听

In addition, beginning in the month of May and beyond, even very young children heard about, saw on television, or saw in person the wide-spread demonstrations focusing on the need to end racism in police systems and other societal institutions. Children need help making sense of what they are seeing and hearing. These conversations also offer us important teachable moments to engage young children in discussion about their identities, human diversity, fairness and unfairness, and the right of people to stand up for their beliefs.

Children rely on their trusted adults to help them make sense of the confusing messages the world sends them about what and who are safe and okay. Children need direct, truthful responses shaped to meet their developmental level of understanding. But all too often, when children express their confusion, pre-prejudice, or fears, adults try to reassure them without addressing the specific anxiety and issue. For example, when someone sneezes, a child looks worried and asks, 鈥淎re we going to die?鈥� The adult offers an unsatisfactory, generic reply: 鈥淓verything is okay. There鈥檚 nothing to worry about.鈥澨�

Similarly, when a child makes a comment that reflects biased ideas about human diversity, many adults do not directly address the underlying issue. For example, while taking a walk around the block and passing people wearing masks,听a听4-year-old White听child听points to听a White听person and听asks her mother, 鈥淚s that a nurse?鈥澨鼿er mother replies, 鈥淣o, that is one of our neighbors wearing a mask to help her and us stay well.鈥� A little later,听they pass a听masked person with dark skin. The听child points and states, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 a robber.鈥澨齌his time her mother stays quiet, not knowing what to say. Later, she calls her child鈥檚 teacher to ask him what she might have said.

The hurtful power of silence

Silence is a powerful teacher. What you do not say carries messages that are as strong as what you do say. Regardless of your intent, the unwillingness to talk with a child openly and directly about the world sends serious, strong, and potentially hurtful messages. When adults are silent or vague about things that children are seeing and trying to understand, children absorb the emotional message that the subject is not okay to talk about. This leaves children with an undercurrent of anxiety and unease, which are the earliest lessons about bias and fear. Consider:

• 听Silence robs children of a vocabulary to ask questions or talk about what is confusing or troubling to them.
• 听Silence forces children to figure things out on their own using their limited understanding of the world.
• 听Silence teaches fear鈥攖he subject is so unsafe the adults will not even talk about it.
• 听Silence forces children to rely on sources such as other children (the 6-year-old next door, a 10-year-old cousin) and the media (TV, advertising, videos) for information, including how they should feel and think about what is happening in their world. These are major sources of inaccurate and often stereotyped information.

General guidelines for brave conversations with children

Children depend on adults to help them figure out what things mean. Children鈥檚 curiosity, puzzlement, and anxiety provide rich opportunities for adults to respond to their attempts to understand what they observe happening in their world. Our responsibility is to give accurate, developmentally appropriate, matter-of-fact information that helps children develop the conviction that, when the world is unsafe, there are always people who are working to make it safe. They also need information and values that enable them to thrive in a world of diversity and to resist messages of bias and hate.

Here are some basic guidelines to help you hold meaningful conversations with children in the face of difficult events and situations.

• 听Make it safe.听As always, the first thing to do when children are distressed is to be a safe and reassuring presence for all the children.听
• 听Find out what children know.听Without judgment, find out what children are feeling and thinking and how they make sense of the situation. Listen carefully and verbally reflect children鈥檚 thinking back to them (however inaccurate). Give names to their feelings.
• 听Tell the truth. Say, 鈥淗ere鈥檚 what I know about what is happening鈥� or 鈥淭his is what I think about what you saw/said/did.鈥� Clarify misinformation as factually and simply as you can: 鈥淪ome people call it the 鈥楥hina virus,鈥� but that is not a true statement. This virus is all over the world.鈥� Think about what information children need for processing their feelings as well as for clarifying misinformation.
• 听Check back in with children.听Check back in to find out how the children feel and think about what they have heard from you.听Ask children if they have more questions鈥攁nd proceed depending on what they say. Expect to have several conversations pertaining to this topic over time.
• 听State the justice issues.听Talk about what is hurtful or helpful, what is fair or unfair in the situation. Share your own (or your school鈥檚) values: 鈥淚n our family, we. . .鈥� or 鈥淚n our classroom, we. . .鈥�
• 听Give children something to do to make it better.听Let children know there are people working to fix the problems. Ask them for their ideas of what they can do to help. Support children to do something age-appropriate about the situation.

Sometimes the words just do not come. You are uncertain how to simplify complicated issues or worry about saying something wrong. Regardless, do not let this wonderful opportunity slip away. Take a deep breath, repeat what you have heard from the child and then use phrases like the following:

• 听鈥淭his is really important, and I need to think about how we can talk about it.鈥澨�
• 听鈥淚鈥檓 not sure what words to use right now. But I am going to ask Candra to help me, and we will all talk about this tomorrow.鈥�
• 听鈥淵ou know, when I was your age no one helped me think about this, so I鈥檓 not sure what words to use. But I鈥檒l think about this and we will talk later.鈥�

And then鈥攆ollow up! Bring up the issue and begin a new dialogue that may continue for brief periods over several days. See 鈥淜ey Ideas to Share with Children鈥� on below for important points to communicate during these conversations.

What is wonderful is that every time you engage in brave conversations like these, you, the children, and the other adults in the children鈥檚 lives all get better at listening and talking together about hard topics. And children learn to trust that their special adults are truly there to help them maneuver a complicated world.听

听

This blog is adapted from Chapter 4 of Louise Derman-Sparks and Julie Olsen Edwards with Catherine M. Goins,听Anti-Bias Education for Young Children and Ourselves, 2nd edition.听This classic resource, expanded and updated, is a guide to building strong anti-bias early learning programs, including learning to know yourself.听This book is available now in print and and an e-book is coming soon, learn more.