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Effective teachers create positive learning environments by helping children learn to regulate their behavior and emotions. Yet even with well-established behavioral expectations (鈥淲e are kind鈥�; 鈥淲e touch books gently鈥�), young children often continue to engage in unsafe behavior and experience conflicts. Many teachers, such as Ms. Williams, are unsure how to help them resolve听these situations.

This article presents a three-step approach to help children develop the self-regulation and language skills necessary to address common behavior challenges and social conflicts. It was developed by researchers and educators at Michigan State University鈥檚 teacher听preparation program.

The Three-Step Approach to Addressing Conflict

A child鈥檚 self-regulation is influenced by developmental processes that occur emotionally, cognitively, and linguistically. Because these skills develop throughout childhood, preschoolers (and even older children) may find it difficult to manage their behaviors and use appropriate strategies to effectively communicate听during conflict.

Early childhood educators play an essential role in the development of these skills. When teachers target听self-regulation听and language during classroom interactions and conflicts, children become more capable of using strategies to interact with peers and solve problems appropriately. By following the steps below, teachers can effectively support children鈥檚听self-regulation听and language development while addressing unsafe, destructive, or听conflict-related听behaviors in听the classroom.

Step One: State the Behavior and Help Identify Emotions

Just as teachers can acknowledge children鈥檚 positive behaviors in the classroom, they can also describe behavior that is not appropriate. Clearly and briefly describing children鈥檚 behavior draws their attention to their actions and gives them the language they need for future interactions. For example, if a child is shoveling sand onto the floor at the sensory area, a teacher might say, 鈥淢icah, you are pouring sand out of the sensory table onto the floor.鈥� This makes the child aware of their behavior and sets the stage for the teacher to explain and address it (steps two听and three).

This first step is also an excellent opportunity for teachers to use emotion vocabulary to help children understand and label feelings that might be related to their behavior. When teachers acknowledge children鈥檚 feelings, they help children feel heard. They also set the stage for a compassionate discussion rather than a听power struggle.

For example, a 3-year-old struggling to balance blocks on his tower might yell, causing a teacher to kneel beside him and say, 鈥淵ou are yelling. It sounds like you are听angry.鈥� Or a child might appear upset about accidentally ripping their easel paper while painting, to which the teacher can respond, 鈥淵ou are kicking the easel. I wonder if you听are听frustrated?鈥�

A feelings chart is a valuable resource that can help children label and discuss emotions. The National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations offers an example at challengingbehavior.org/docs/FeelingFaces_chart_template.pdf.

Step Two: Explain the Behavior and Its Implications

After teachers have drawn a child鈥檚 attention to their behavior and helped them identify their emotions, they can explain why the behavior may be inappropriate. This helps the child begin to recognize cause and effect, which supports their future ability to use reasoning to regulate their behavior without听teacher support.

Step two is a great opportunity for teachers to refer back to the behavioral expectations they鈥檝e already established with children. Providing children with a reason that reflects classroom rules and/or speaks to children鈥檚 personal interests can help motivate them to adjust听their behavior.

For example, if a child is dumping toy cars on the floor, the teacher could say, 鈥淵ou are dumping the cars all over the floor. Children may step on the cars and fall and hurt themselves, or their feet might break the cars, so we can鈥檛 use them anymore.鈥� If a child tears a book, the teacher could say, 鈥淵ou tore this book. We won鈥檛 be able to read it. Remember that one of our classroom rules is to be gentle with听our books.鈥�

Teachers can also take this opportunity to support children鈥檚 language development by using rich vocabulary. For example, if a child is working on their picture as the class starts to transition, the teacher can say, 鈥淵ou are still听illustrating听the story you wrote. If you keep working on your听illustration听right now, you will miss free听play time.鈥�

Step Three: Address the Behavior

Now that children are aware of their actions and the related implications, teachers can guide them by providing an alternative, appropriate behavior. In the following example, a child is attempting to use scissors to cut their clothing. Step three听is underlined.

During this step, some children will benefit when teachers provide a solution (鈥淪oil stays in the flowerbed.鈥�). Others will be able to choose from among a few replacement choices, especially if emotions are heightened and children struggle to engage in an听expected behavior.

Effective teachers can stimulate children鈥檚 language use during this step by helping them identify what to say. Depending on the child鈥檚 language skills, teachers may听need to

• provide the language for resolving a conflict (鈥淭iana, did you want to help Sam with the puzzle? You can say, 鈥楽am, can I听help?鈥櫶�鈥�)
• offer choices about what to say (鈥淒o you want to ask Gayle to 鈥楶lease pass the water pitcher,鈥� or do you want to听ask Marco?鈥�)
• prompt children to think about what they could say independently (鈥淰iolet, what could you say to Akshay if you want to take听a turn?鈥�)

Teachers can also help children brainstorm alternative behaviors or solutions by encouraging them to verbalize their current problem and think through the challenge. If children struggle to come up with their own solutions, teachers may provide additional support by saying, 鈥淚 have an idea. Would you like to hear my idea?鈥� After several iterations with teacher support, children will begin to address problems听more independently.

The Three Steps in Action

Now let鈥檚 return to the opening vignette and see these three steps听in action.

Conclusion

By using the three-step approach to state the behavior, explain the implications of the behavior, and address the behavior, effective teachers support self-regulation and language development simultaneously. However, it鈥檚 important to understand that adopting this approach and making it second nature will take practice. Teachers should not expect to master the听three-step听approach overnight, but they can support the development of these skills by posting reminders and prompts around the classroom to refer to鈥攅specially in areas where conflicts tend to occur more often because of increased social interactions (like the block or dramatic听play areas).

It鈥檚 also important to remember that certain situations may cause teachers to feel stressed or upset themselves. In these cases, they should take a moment to calm themselves before dealing with the conflict. This may require taking a couple of deep breaths and/or mentally reframing the conflict as an opportunity to engage children in developing self-regulatory and language skills. A supportive mantra, such as 鈥淭he children are not giving me a hard time; they are having a hard time,鈥� may help. Teachers can also work to view themselves as a mediator, or a wise but neutral guide whose purpose is to help each child on the path to self-regulation and听effective communication.

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